*to Hanlon's razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Hate to rain on your parade, but...

This ain't nature, and you won't get to see the sunrise in a humid country outside of autumn or winter.
So why the fuck did you need to wake me up, again, at three in the morning at the top of your lungs laughing and carrying on in your preparations to get to the summit for sunrise?  And you know what?  I'm glad it was cloudy all day, dimwits.  Just how many times do you need to be disappointed in your goal of climbing to a summit for a beautiful sunrise to learn that you are an asshat?

I have got up at three-thirty to climb a mountain.  It's called an 'alpine start', except the difference is that in mountaineering it is not done on the minuscule chance that it won't be so humid that the haze will block the sunrise, but so we don't die.  Glaciers are safer to cross using crampons on a frozen surface.  We also do not wake up everyone in the camp, or mountain hut, both because we are not fucking assholes, and because we do not want to be beaten the shit out of.  Lucky you outnumbered me...  I am supposed to be open minded and even handed, but you wouldn't give a seat to my pregnant wife, step into the path of my baby carriage exiting the train, and this: fuck you, Japan!  Of course, not all Japanese are this stupid: the friend I was hiking with was as pissed as me.  That's why he's my friend, and you are dickheads.

So do you know what you can do about the rule to camp in designated areas?  Fuck it, since I won't get a night's sleep there.  Neither will camping on the summits be the solution, as I have done, since you'll still wake me up at four-thirty.  Get daylight saving for Christ's sake.


  1. Absolutely hilarious! Required reading for anyone thinking of experiencing "nature" in Japan and climbing Mt Fuji.

  2. Sunday, perchance? I was down below philosphizing with my (much) better half on why we'd rather not put in the effort into going up, and stick to hiking the surrounding leafy ridgeways.

  3. Does no one do this glorified hike in the early to late part of October when there should be fewer clouds and crowds?

    I've seen a couple web sites where folk hike up and ski down mid-winter. That looks to be the most fun.

  4. Wow, I hit a nerve: so many comments so quickly. Thanks!

    I still recommend the hiking, and even to the summits; however, the only way to deal with it if you are not a drone is to have earplugs, an eye mask (effing flashlights! effing 4:30 sunrise!), or to 'stealth camp'. Mind you, you can 'Gaijin bash' and camp where you like, unless one of you is Asian: they assume you are Japanese and should know better than to do anything original.

    As for Fuji: ugliest climb in Japan. It is an ashtray with filthy huts and toilets. It has to be done, but not as your first or final mountain here, nor for the elusive sunrise. I did it as a day hike just to knock it off the list.

    If you want to do any climbing in winter you should take a course or two. There are quite a few dangers. The hikes nearer Tokyo on lower mountains are safer with little snow.