*to Hanlon's razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

Yeah Gaijin-Rage!

I had... not my first... over the top Gaijin-Rage, last night.  Where else?  Why else?  On the train, reacting to some dick's %$#@ed behaviour.  This Gaijin-Rage was unique, because it was 'out of body'.  It happened on its own and so without any of my own volition that I was as much a spectator as the locals. I had been riding the train after three beer for a few stops, standing among the drunks who had not bathed since the night before, as is the custom despite sleeping without air-conditioning in the awful humidity.  I wasn't in a mood to take $#!+, and I might add that I do not give $#!+ to anyone myself, because I'm not a dick.  Even if I were a dick I would avoid giving it to someone larger than me, and better at fighting: from a 'salaryman's' perspective that is most any Gaijin (white, 6' and Canadian, unlike the picture).

@$$hat tries to steal my seat!  A seat came up empty, and no $#!+head had shoved aside a pregnant or ancient woman to steal it, so it stood empty for a few seconds.  I grabbed my bag, stood immediately in front of it, and put my bag above the seat.  Such a clear message, I gave it no more thought.  No more thought until some あほtried to jump, Matrix-like, into my seat from somewhere off to the side.  Typically, he had on his J-blinders and tunnel vision, and his J-robot empathy-void.  Last thing I remember thinking before I reacted was, "There's no %$#@ing way this will pass!" I had a book in my right, but with the back of my fist I shoved him back no less than a metre, and hollered,
%$#@ you @$$hole!  That's my %$#@ing seat!
I don't know which is more relevant: I wouldn't do that for just myself in Toronto, because the fight wouldn't be worth the seat; I'd never need to do it in Toronto, because people may be frigid, but not utter tools!

After all, what was the %$#@wit going to do about it?  Fight?  Call his wife to rescue him?  Too many Tokyo 'men' don't have a hint of iron in them.  They've also not learned the first rule of the school yard: don't start $#!+ you can't finish.  He gave me a red-faced, slack-jawed, accusatory look.  I gave him a 'Gallic Shrug', as if to say, "just what do you imagine you're going to do?" The answer, of course, was skulk off somewhere to imagine that he'd been done a wrong by a violent Gaijin.  Now that I think about it, I had a lot more sitting room given me than I usually get...


  1. Wound up at this post by mistake...looking for the Costco link...not sorry I stopped by. Good material.

    1. Nice. Thanks for making us gaijin look worse. 6 feet tall, really? In Canada that usually means 5'9"

    2. How is your comment on height useful, even if you were correct? Why don't you just go straight to 'Godwin's Law'?