*to Hanlon's razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

A 'fuck-off Japan' day

I needed a new monthly train pass.  So I took a moment in the morning, went to the machine at my work station, and tried to buy it.  Could not do it at the gate to either subway line.  Not allowed is the message, with no explanation.  Fuck-off Japan.  At least the machines have an international language (English) button.  I figure that the twats insist I renew my pass where I bought it: my home station.  Japan has a, well founded, reputation for institutional rigidity...

So when I get to my home station, I try again.  Well, it works, to a point.  I had a bunch of 500y coins which I wanted to use, but it only accepted two.  The rest rolled out.  Fuck-off Japan.  I did not have other cash to make up the difference.  What kind of martinet little fuck programs the machine to accept a limited amount of small change?  A Japanese one, that's what.

A JR martinet little fuck.  I can renew my pass at a JR station, but not a subway or private line station, even though the subway is one of the two segments on my monthly pass, because you have to renew Suica monthly passes at a JR station.  Fuck-off Japan.  They don't want to deal with 'small change' worth $5.50 US but they will run their trains at 200% capacity at off-peak, and 400% at rush hour.  Fuck-off Japan.  I count capacity by seats, not cubic meters to stuff full of body parts.  Your train lines still lose money at that capacity?  Fuck-off Japan.

Now I have to give my wife the coins to burden her wallet, and take her lighter 1000y notes, for your convenience.  Fuck-off Japan.  It's not like you, JR, have done anything for her: enforce the women-only cars so she didn't have to be assaulted in JHS and HS, or the seating for pregnant women when she was.  Fuck-off Japan.  Or, I don't know, do anything about your hiring for women either (I'd rather be train-stuffed by a J-babe than some drone with a prostate problem).  Fuck-off Japan. 

I am getting tired of the rigidity here:
- just one way to do each greeting for each strata in each situation.  Fuck-off Japan.
- Japanese puns by Gaijin cannot be funny: they must be the authorized version by Kansai hacks.  Fuck-off Japan. 
- when you compliment my child, you cannot help referring to only the foreign 'race' of one parent.  Fuck-off Japan.
- your oyaji won't take a train seat beside me, but I took a morning shower and they smell like shitFuck-off Japan.
- 'Japan has four seasons.'  WrongFuck-off Japan.
- 'When you go hiking you can have onigiri.'  The fuck?  Why would you want to eat cold rice?  And who's stopping you going to the conbini to get some?  Fuck-off Japan.
- sunrise on mountaintopsFuck-off Japan.
- 'Japanese has no swear words.'  糞食らえ!
- Idiotic home constructionFuck-off Japan.
- getting the yakuza to build your nuclear reactors on the ocean in a siesmic zone.  Fuck-off Japan.

Yeah, Canada sucks too, but today I am in Japan, and Japan can fuck off.


  1. Take comfort in the thought that everyday....they get weaker and their system ensures it will be long after we are gone before it ever gets corrected. They are fucked. Without question. They have no answers and no way of making rapid political pivots that work. Japan is infact doomed. They can aaaaallllll go jump in a fire and fucking burn and I shall dance around like a jungle native as their ashes blow about me....

  2. I love that geisha picture. Such a unique blend of the traditional and the modern. You don't get that anywhere else...

  3. Why do they have the two card system anyway? Surely one card for all services would be easier?

  4. Chris, problem is I feel that way about Japan, Canada, China, the US... Don't know how anyone with nukes at hand restrains themselves on bad days.

  5. When Ant is having a bad day, it seems like there are only two options: duck and cover or run for the hills.

    Judging by your initial reply to one comment, this is a 'duck and cover' kind of post.

    "Don't know how anyone with nukes at hand restrains themselves on bad days."

    Rumor has it that the folks burdened with such responsibilities are required to ride their bicycles to and from work cause it helps keep things in perspective. Just sayin'...

  6. Ha. "A man's gotta know his limitations." I've written many an angry email or letter, that I've thrown away the next day before sending.

    1. Good idea. I gotta try to remember that. Email is much easier to delete than spray paint.

  7. "Yeah, Canada sucks too, but today I am in Japan, and Japan can fuck off."

    I love it! A great example of Think Globally, Act Locally

  8. Chris, thanks for the 'Raw Like Sushi' posting.

    Billy, nicely said.