*to Hanlon's razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Κυνόσαργες

Saturday, 26 January 2013

Japan Fail: Skiing

The following is a guide on how to alienate your foreign guests.  Guess I'll be taking my business elsewhere.  Well, good thing the 'Bubble' is still going strong, and you have lots of young Japanese flush with cash to fill the lifts, so you do not have to trouble yourselves accommodating anyone but 'ware-ware nihonjin', he says with condescension (one wonders why you'd make an English web-page).  Read below.  Does anyone want to go there now?  Japan: circling the fucking drain.

JAPAN SKI TIPS FOR MYOKO

MANNERS

Be polite and respect the local culture... Unfortunately in some other resorts, like Niseko and Hakuba, some foreign skiers show scant respect for local culture and ways while they are there. This can do some irreparable damage that may result in some establishments shying away from allowing foreigners in.

CREDITS CARDS / CASH / ATM’S

Don’t expect to use your credit card with considerable ease in Myoko. Although Japan may be technologically advanced in many areas, the financial services area is not one of them. So be prepared and bring at least some cash if you get stuck...

ONSEN

Soap and shampoo are normally provided. Use it! Some locals might watch you suspiciously, assuming that you might make the water dirty, so use plenty of soap and shampoo!

SKI RUN GRADES

Unlike the typical green, blue, red, black system used by resorts elsewhere in the world to grade runs Japanese resorts, including those in Myoko, have not adopted a consistent grading methodology. So beware before you head off down a blue run that may turn out to be a double black.
This is why I don't care about learning Japanese anymore. I'm not invited in. Well then...  fuck you too.

12 comments:

  1. In fairness, the one about the backwards nature of financial services in Japan is admirably honest.

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    Replies
    1. That, and the following wordings, make me suspicious:
      - "in some other resorts, like Niseko and Hakuba, some foreign skiers show scant respect for local culture" (so go to those, they're more fun!)
      - "Some locals might watch you suspiciously" (because they are creeps)
      - "use plenty of soap and shampoo!" (find this offensive, and never give this town your business)
      - "Japanese resorts, including those in Myoko, have not adopted a consistent grading methodology" (makes no more sense than their housing, addresses or urban planning)

      I think the translator thought, 'you can make me write this shit, but I can fuck with you'. Probably a JET at the end of his contract. LOL.

      Delete
    2. Heh. There's a sign for a tourist spot not far from me that I've always harboured similar suspicions about -

      "Viewpoint, 8 minutes walk (5 if you run a little)"

      Delete
  2. Damn dirty foreigners with their no manners and wanting to use credit cards.

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  3. "Get a Japanese phrasebook - it will make a difference as English is little used."

    I helped a girl translate a Yamaguchi guidebook into English for 4 weeks and then at the end they inserted "Participating vendors do not speak English so if you cannot communicate in Japanese they will not be able to support you"

    Wait...what? Why did I just help this chick for 4 weeks to tell them everything in English and concluding with "we no speak it and if that's all you got your not welcome here"

    What

    WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT IN EVEN HAVING AN ENGLISH VERSION??????

    WHY??????


    WHY??????????????????

    Backwater country fucking prefecture.

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    Replies
    1. Since that is the universal attitude, and since they ostracize anyone Japanese in a company who's been abroad enough to actually communicate in another language (much less allow anyone not fully Japanese to be a 'salaryman' - no loss), and since they teach English in schools only useful for being used in Japan with Japanese, and since all the media reinforces the idea that English and foreigners are weird, scary and/or incomprehensible, then Japan, SAVE YOUR MONEY AND STOP YOUR SHIT ENGLISH EDUCATION!!

      Fuck.

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  4. I laughed at first, and then realised that this was an actual webpage, not your amusing take on it. Then I stopped and realised this is my daily life. I wouldn't mind, but as the toilets here often only have cold water, the number of otherwise glamourous ladies not washing their hands is amazing. Maybe I should make a sign in Japanese telling them to use lots of soap otherwise gaijins will look at you suspiciously.

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    Replies
    1. Ha. Good thing urine is sterile! Usually... (I married the ONE Japanese woman who said anything about wearing a condom. Gaijin men and women I've spoken to have experienced similar witlessness to safe-sex).

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  5. And if you get hurt, like hitting a tree or breaking something at a ski resort here, lucky thing snow is cold. Have never seen a backboard (long spine board) here. The ski patrol are (at least were) people who paid to train and be in a group while functioning nothing like what North America and Europe are used to. Them's the breaks.



    ReplyDelete
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    1. Enlighten me on the backboard. I can imagine how it will be: way too fucking short for even young Japanese men, much less 6'+ me; and nobody will remember anything relevant from the meeting on how to use it, because they were half asleep from the meeting until late, followed by the 'optional' drinking that followed; and there is no chance Japanese staff will figure it out on the fly.

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    2. I saw a man, in pain, being propped up against the door of his car after a wreck here. People were shouting at him... as if 'gambaru' helps anyone in a situation where they should be immobilized ASAP. First aid is out the freaking window. Lesson - don't get hurt.

      The backboards...they must be here somewhere.

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    3. I see, I misread it as a question: "Have never seen a backboard (long spine board) here."

      Delete