*to Hanlon's razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Monday, 30 September 2013

Hair-Gel Sports

Are not played by men.  What's a 'hair-gel sport'?  Soccer and gymnastics, for a start.

The thought was inspired by Kamo's post reminding me that neither I, nor most of my countrymen (Canadians) or Americans can ever care about soccer.  It's likely in poor taste to quote one's own comments from another blog, but:
Divers... This is why football/soccer has not, and will never, get on in the US and Canada. We cannot take the sport seriously, or the fans (i.e. Europeans, and who's joined you? E. Asians). Enforcers we get, and we have them in hockey to the extent we call them the same: 'enforcers'. Goons to a man, but players like Gretzky only kept skating because the enforcers on his team would tear you a new one if you made a bad hit on him.

I think all team sports are daft if played by people over twelve, nevertheless I'd put money on any hockey enforcer over a soccer/football one... 
Honestly, I did try to watch soccer/football once. My father is after all from your foggy North. But I saw some continental get brushed on the shoulder, grab his jaw and start limping. If I'd watch male sports it'd need to be played by men.
I don't even like hockey, or (American or Canadian) football, but at least they are 'helmet sports'.  Accuse me of vestiges of homophobia if you'd like, but men do not have hairstyles, they have hair cuts.  I do not care if a man sucks cock, but for god's sake don't be prissy about your hair.  A helmet sport keeps a man honest.
It's too early to know if my boy likes girls or other boys, and I will accept either orientation, but he's playing no 'hair gel sport'!


  1. Stephane the effeminate European30 September 2013 at 18:32

    You are throwing together two separate problems. Let's tackle the easy one first: The effeminacy level of Japanese men is a cultural difference that I too have problems to wrap my (shaved) head around. One aspect of that is the "fabulous" hair, which seems even more displaced on pro sports players than on other professions. So far, I agree with you.

    Now, as for "soccer" supposedly not being a manly sport, it's an argument that's brought up from time to time from North American males (NA males from here on), like the comedian Bill Burr or others. I think it's quite weak and due to a distorted view of football (the American version is played mainly with the hands, mind you).

    - In reality, the "diving" problem is not as universal as NA males make it out to be. The reason is that the way "soccer" is shown in the NA media distorts reality by reducing football to a couple of famous teams (ManU, Barca, Real, Bayern, etc.) and star players. And guess what, those "star" players are often divas who are prone to diving, or too afraid to get an injury to go full macho. Therefore most Europeans don't give much of a shit about the big teams, but rather look for teams with more grit and less drama queens. We hate diving just as much, not because it's not "manly" but because it's not in the spirit of the game.

    - Despite North American males denouncing "soccer" players as not manly enough, the target audience back home clearly begs to differ - that is, supermodels, singers, and other "highly desirable" females are climbing over themselves to date them.

    - "Soccer" never set out to be a "manly" sport to begin with, mainly because Europeans don't subscribe to the notion that team sports are a "stage" to prove one's masculinity, but rather skill and perseverance. What does it say about a guy if he feels his masculinity threatened by watching a team sport that doesn't involve concussions or stick fights?

    - Where do you draw the line? Why watch "American Football" or Hockey, when you could be watching Rugby or Boxing or other even more "manly sports? Or why bother with sports at all? You could watch gang footage or "NSFL" videos on Reddit if you really think that watching people roughing up each other makes you more manly.

    - Grown men on bikes are harder to watch for me than diving "soccer" players. Nuff said.

    1. More than "Nuff Said", as your comment is quite a bit longer than my post. It also neglects to notice my comments that I am not into team sports, 'hair gel' or other. In any case, what is the purpose of your comments? To convince me? It doesn't matter, as I put no money or time into any spectator sports. To convince North American males? Well, good luck with that.

    2. One more thing: "supermodels, singers, and other "highly desirable" (sic - double quotation marks) females are climbing over themselves to date them."

      I don't think it is about the size of their cocks, but their wallets and status.

    3. Stephane the effeminate European2 October 2013 at 10:00

      Don't want or need to convince you of anything. I'd never claim "soccer" is one of the manliest sports (why does it have to be, again?) and agree that there are a number of highly-paid divas that should rather do gymnastics (that's why the real "soccer" fans sneer upon the casual "soccer" viewers fascination with said divas).

      But I thought it's interesting that a guy who writes a blog that seems to be mainly about "seeing through phoney shit" isn't aware that his own view on "soccer" is based on a distorted image.

      And of course, there's still the problem of a dude who's riding a bike to work past his 30s (I guess?) judging other guys on "manliness"...

    4. You almost had an argument, but again with the bike hate. I am less a man than you because I use a bicycle; you are more a man than me because you sit on your indolent ass in a piss-poor extension of your ego? Keep company with apocryphal Thatcher, if you like:

      "A man who, beyond the age of 26, finds himself on a bus can count himself as a failure."

      Drive on.

    5. Stephane the effeminate European3 October 2013 at 20:27

      I don't drive. Not only I don't drive in fucking Japan, but ever. There are other options. Not because of the environment, but because most people back home loooove cars so much that it's a given I have to be detached from that, makes me feel like an artist ;-)

      As for the "grown men on bike" heckling, it's no less valid an argument than the "soccer is unmanly because of divers" when it comes to assessing the manliness factor.

      The point I was trying to get across was: Both arguments are ridiculous. Was that too subtle for you? ;-)

      Let me know when you change your view on "soccer" and I'll change mine on "grown men on bikes".

  2. Venus and Serena Williams could tear up both entire teams, Man U. and Man City, in a street fight with badminton rackets...

  3. I immediately had the mental image of 'bubble soccer' when I read this. Mostly because I was thinking to what lengths some people go to protect their 'do'. Check youtube for 'bubble soccer', tell me you didn't laugh.

  4. Would these helmets be purple by any chance, would they?


    On a less puerile note, if it comes to a straight choice between the helmetless football and the helmeted baseball for my sons, as well it might, it'll be football all the way as the lesser of two evils. At least it's a sport I have some experience with and won't embarrass myself by playing with them in the park. It's all about me of course, which is as it should be.

    And I'll echo Susie regarding bubble football. Well worth googling.

    1. Team sports sucked as a kid, and I sucked at them. It's a group of kids egged on by a group of parents and coaches: groups of humans are a bad thing. If only someone in my provincial schools and towns had realized that not all kids like peer pressure, hazing, and parasitic adults attempting a vicarious renewal of their shabby youths they might have offered individual sports more prominently. I would have discovered I have great long distance endurance before I had to find out on my own in my twenties.

      Silver lining on not doing team sports and not getting the girls in HS: all my joints work fine in my fourties, and I did not marry any trash. I feel like I won this.

  5. I feel the same way about guys who smoke menthol cigarettes. What:s with that?  At home they are the choice of 16 year old girls.