*to Hanlon's razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Sunday, 15 September 2013

She's not feeling it, Japan. He is.

You've all heard this story: 'Western' hetero-couple comes to Japan, woman bails within the year and dude stays.  New couple at my 'international school': they've only been here a month, but their story's already written.  Friday, he enjoyed himself a bit too much not to keep his eyes from straying, while his GF wasn't having any fun at all.  I have a picture, with them in the middle, I'd love to post: his face, enthusiasm; hers, rue.  Western women, you can keep your man in Japan, but a sense of humour goes a long way.  Hell, I have dated a western woman in Japan, and work with several I'd think to chase were I single: they all have a sense of humour.
None of them felt threatened by local women, or stay single any longer than they care to.  It's not us ('Western' men in Japan), it's you (the humourless).  Doesn't help this one's a vegetarian.  Shit on me all you want, and I know some male vegetarians who can take a joke, but not women: a sense of humour never goes with both femininity and vegetarianism, and certainly not also with Conservative Judaism (what was I thinking?).

Japan is far from perfect, and neither are the women, but it sure looks that way to a young man dealing with your snide when his first impression of Japan on a night out is this.
I well know there's a lot of bait and switch here: I'm married.  However, if the guy is worth keeping (because nobody else will fuck you with that attitude), you won't do it by sniping at the local women who your man sees in beer goggles coloured as above.  If you wanted life to be 'fair', why did you come here?


  1. I think humor goes both ways, if you can't laugh and take things with a grain of salt you may as well stick yourself in the mud; cause that's what you look like: a stick in the mud. I never understood why women get so jealous, visibly so at least. Keep that shit under wraps and play along like it's all fun and games. Even if a little harmless flirting gets under your skin otherwise you come off looking like a stupid sulking baby. Far worse to look at a stupid sulking baby than a stick in the mud, least I think so.

    1. Exactly. And to put it in crude terms: when I was younger I'd %$#@ a woman who was a humourless pain in the ass, but after taking that shit for a few years from one, I won't take much from anyone anymore no matter how hot.

  2. I'm a woman. Tried the foreign-women-married-to-Japanese-men groups and Internet forums and good luck trying to be humourous, especially irony. You'll be scolded in a deadly earnest manner and told what you can and cannot say; for goodness sakes no swearing! Like having hundreds of mothers. No fun.

    Also, same thing happens with hetero-couples where the wife is Japanese and meets a non-Japanese man abroad. They come to Japan and soon to him she's too "Westernized" compared to the beer-poster gals who seem so much easier, in more ways than one.

    1. You'd hope anyone in an international marriage had a sense of humour. Hell, anyone in a marriage needs it. "Having hundreds of mothers" sounds like 'the ninth circle'.

      What you describe in the second paragraph also happens... if he's an idiot! Too common. I had my Orientalist phase too, but that thing called 'experience' taught me that life's a lot more complicated. Seems like the dudes you describe are not only still in their phase, but also in total ignorance of anything in Japanese culture they did not learn from Hollywood movies. Yes Orientalist-dude, Japanese women can act very demure in public: please note the words 'act' and 'public'.