*to Hanlon's razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Sunday, 1 September 2013

'L'Ordre de Bon Temps', fail

Part of my ongoing series of, 'Anglo-Canada, what have you got to be smug about?'  In this case, Anglo-Canadians, other than first and second generation, are shit hosts.

Three anecdotes:
- my experience in Canada
- my J-wife's experience in Canada, and told to her by other Japanese and other nationalities
- Canadians abroad

The post title?  One of the founding explorers of Canada (French Canada - nothing else was settled by Europeans for some hundreds of years), Champlain, founded a dining and entertainment order to endure the long winters.  While at McGill in Montréal I came up with the idea of doing something similar to get through those long winters, as a regular 'pot luck' booze-up with other penurious students called friends.  I also thought I could impress chicks with my cooking and get some.  The first part worked; the second part much less well than in Japan, where it has failed just once (in fact not at all - a Japanese woman in Toronto).  The first time, people made similar effort to me and we had a good feed and a fine time, though I slept alone...  The second time, my effort was much better than the rest, but it seemed an off-night from the other cooks.  Bear in mind that attendance stayed the same, so it was a popular idea.  I slept alone again...  The third time I was universally praised for my efforts, and everyone else brought store bought cookies, cheese and crackers or an unadorned green salad.  I not only slept alone again, but never contacted most of these people.  Do not even remember their names.

Did I mention that most of those in attendance were young women (I was in Arts, it was not a conspiracy) and that none of these from the first made much effort. I claim no objectivity, but my experience of Canadian women remains much the same in relationships, and in bed: I brought this, I'm done.  Though my luck did get better, I cannot remember any Canadian woman who was any good in bed, apart from being available.  If you wish to claim it must be my fault, it wasn't with the others, apparently.  I used to joke about my long bachelorhood that I had a cleaner apartment and cooked better than anyone I had ever dated.  Even now, my J-wife cooks as well as me, but love her though I do, her cleaning and tidying is mediocre...

Apart from never sleeping with any, so far as I know, my wife has not only had the same experience, but so have her Japanese and other non-Canadian, Canadian-resident friends: taking a large portion of an interesting dish that took some time to make to a gathering, having it universally praised and enthusiastically eaten, and nothing left but what the locals had brought: store bought shit.  Again, not objective, but nevertheless, Canadian women.

So I laughed my ass off watching a Japanese TV show about a Japanese expat wife at a gathering of international expat friends in Singapore.  The J-wife had made sushi, or something; the ethnic Chinese had made a huge batch of springrolls and sauces; the Indonesian nasi goreng, I expect; the French a whole duck, perhaps; the Canadian brought cheese and crackers.  I bet she stuffed her ass, too.

Our family will make an effort to befriend all the 'other' Canadians on our street, including Francophones if there are any.  Fuck Anglo-Canadians. Oh, but what about the men?  Some men...  Have you never seen how PW'd the husband of a Canadian middle-class wife is?

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