*to Hanlon's razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

JET alumni survey

A sad fate awaits Charisma Man, just like the rest of us.  With all of the unsightly overhead wires doesn't the cartoon just evoke Tokyo... or Toronto?

On another Japan-blog, I came across a link to yet another online survey of JET alumni.  I cannot imagine how many of these I have seen.  What an industry JET has provided, keeping graduate students employed in the Social 'Sciences'.  I did not complete it, because I am not an American JET alumni, and I couldn't be bothered unless I were going to throw the results.  I read through to see how wide the net of questions is cast. So wide I cannot see what correlations they can draw.  Interesting questions at least, from employment to cultural attitudes, politics and more.

And yet... None of that information is interesting in the slightest, is it?  What are the questions you ask other alumni of a couple years in Japan, if you meet them with a few drinks in you, and the other alumni is a man, or an unusually cool woman?  Vulgar as the following questions are, they're the ones you want answered, but never see on a JET alumni survey.
'How many woman did you sleep with? No, not gaijin, they don't count.'
'Did you sleep with any of the secretaries/English-teachers/PE-teachers at your school?  All of the above?'
'How many of your adult students did you sleep with?  Don't tell me about any others!'
'You married your first Japanese girlfriend?  Moron.'
'Not getting as much from the Japanese-wife as the Japanese-girlfriend despite being the same woman?  So it goes...'
'Did you cheat on your wife/girlfriend/fiancée?  No?  Bullshit.'
'What did you do to get reasonable condoms/deodorant?'
'Did you catch any STDs?'
'How often did you wake with tatami-face'?
'How many obnoxiously drunk salary-men have you pushed: out of a train, off of assaulting a woman, off of assaulting a homeless person?'
'Do you still think 'Japanese are so polite' after riding the trains in rush-hour?'
'Have you ever seen a Japanese man give up a seat for anyone, even if he was in the 'courtesy-seat'?'
I could do this all day.


  1. Was never in the JET program, but taught English for three years at a senmon gakko and your hilarious list still applies.

  2. @Jeffrey, throw me a few more 'survey questions' of your own!